Birthing a Baby

I used to imagine what it’d be like to give birth when I was younger. In fact, part of me was curious if I’d even want to be a mom as the thought of pushing a watermelon sized baby through my vagina sounded horrifying. Flash forward to now as I stare at my baby in awe while he breastfeeds.

No lie, birthing a baby is a bitch. I give the highest level of honors to all women who choose to give natural birth as I cannot fathom the level of pain that must be associated, given my drugged up experience. For all you moms, bravo. For any woman in general who’s had a child, bravo. We are all rockstars and deserve some credit for what our bodies have been through!

My labor began on my baby’s due date, Tuesday September 29. I woke up 3 times in a row around 4,5 and 6am which was unusual for me at the time. When I woke up the last time, I remember feeling some light cramping that was coming in what can be considered “intervals” and mentioned to my husband that I wondered if today would be the day. As time went on, I got ready to work from home for the day and called both my mom and sister telling them the same- I wondered if I was in labor or if it was just a false alarm. I’d never been in labor before (this was my first baby), so I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I was definitely getting crampy but it was too hard to tell. I did text my boss before starting for the day and gave him a warning too, just in case anything exciting would happen that day.

As the day went on, my sister recommended I start timing out the cramping I was experiencing. I did and realized the discomfort seemed to be coming every 15-45 minutes on average (keep in mind I was working, so my focus was split between work and paying attention to these possible contraction pains). I kept in touch with my sister frequently and she told me that I would know when it was happening just by the increase in pain, so at the time, I still was unsure if things were really in motion or not.

The day progressed and finally around 3-330pm I realized my pains were getting worse and a little closer together, as well. I had a team zoom meeting and actually had to turn of my video at one point to try and deal with the pain and hide my facial expression of pure discomfort. At that point, I decided to call my doctors office and give them a heads up…. just in case. I called and left a message for my mid- wife. Around 530pm I received a return call from her. I had told her I wasn’t positive, but pretty sure I might be in labor and wanted her advice and to be aware since she was on call for the night. I gave her an approximation that my cramps were every 10-15 minutes apart so she suggested I try some Tylenol PM for the pain and do my best to take a hot shower or bath and get some rest. Of course my work hours run until 8pm EST since I support west coast operations, so napping was not an option; however I quickly begged my husband to go pick us up some dinner and get me some Tylenol PM ASAP so I could try and manage to work through the pain I was experiencing. After hanging up with my mid- wife, I called my sister and mom and told them what she had advised I do. My sister thought it was weird AF that I was told to take Tylenol PM. I mean, what if I really was in labor and needed the energy to push out a baby?! (I tend to get very drowsy with those medications, so what good would that be?!) While on the phone with her, my pain started to get worse and worse. At that point, I started crying from both pain and being overwhelmed by what was potentially happening. I didn’t know what to do, but genuinely felt at the time, that my mid- wife didn’t want to be bothered by me and was hoping she could avoid coming in at all. I waited while my husband ran my errands and returned.

At that point, it was probably 630-7pm and the pain I was experiencing was no longer remaining manageable. I was having difficulty moving, concentrating or doing anything except crying when I would experience these cramps, which now were timing out to be anywhere between 5-7 minutes on average. Being unable to eat the yummy salad my hubby just got me, I opted to call the after hours line for my doctors office again. I let the operator know I had already spoken to my mid-wife a few hours earlier, but wanted her to be aware the pain was getting worse and closer together and I needed to know what to do next. About 5 minutes passed before she called me and this time, she said it sounded like I could be in labor so I should try and take a hot shower and then head on over to the hospital where she would meet me.

Working was impossible at this point. I would have to put down my laptop every 5 minutes or so to deal with the pain. As mentioned, I couldn’t eat either, but I managed to get myself in the shower. I was also simultaneously freaking out to my husband that he needed to eat, feed/walk dog, call my parents, feed the cats and change their litter boxes as quickly as possible before we left for the hospital.

I stayed in the shower while I waited for him to run around and ended up on my hands and knees, crying from the intense pain I was getting every 5 minutes or so. I showered for a while- maybe 10 or 15 minutes before crawling out and started preparing to go to the hospital. My bags were pre-packed but I had last minute items – like tooth brushes and deodorant- that I was slowly adding to my things. I went to the bathroom once more and alas, I had finally started bleeding. I knew, although there was little doubt at this point, that it was official- I was in labor!!!

My husband and I got everything together and got in the car. We called my parents again to make sure my dad would come get our dog/ knew where everything was, etc. The car ride over felt like a movie. I’d have to grab the handle bar and brace myself for the contractions I was getting, deep breathing and half crying the whole way there. Of course mid-way it started torrentially downpouring- perfect baby birthing weather.

Upon arrival at the hospital, I made my husband park as there was no way I was going in there without him. We rapid fire found a spot and hopped out, heading for the entrance as quickly as my body would allow. I was greeted with a wheel chair, quick checked-in at their front desk and was wheeled upstairs to be looked at.

At first we were put in a room with another person in it. That felt super awkward for me for various reasons. A. Covid-19 and B. I was in intense pain and making a lot of grunting and deep breathing noises from my side of the curtain. I was asked to try and do a urine sample, which was torture and really all I could manage was a tiny cup of blood. The mid-wife on call came in and said she was going to check out my cervix and see what was happening. I was also getting hooked up to an IV and my baby’s heartbeat was being monitored, along with my contractions.

She took a look and immediately started verifying if this was my first baby and how long I had been laboring for. Apparently I was 7cm dilated at that point and revving to go. The mid-wife confirmed if I wanted an epidural (I absolutely did- I don’t fare well with agonizing pain), and let me know she’d do everything she could but there was a chance I might not be able to get one due to how far along I was. When she left the room I looked at my husband with pure panic and told him there was no way I could do this without it, as my pain was already so intense, I couldn’t possibly imagine worse.

Things after that started moving fast. I was told I’d be transported upstairs, so we gathered my items and I moved to the wheelchair that was waiting for me in the hallway. At this point, a nurse grabbed me and borderline jogged me down the hallway. We were on our way to the labor area of the hospital. When we got there, the alarms were going off as a nurse forgot to properly discharge a baby so the doors were locked down. My nurse was pacing back and forth while we waited for the security guard to show up and unlock things before we could even enter that area of the hospital. Once we were in, I was literally rushed into my room for prepping and additional examination. My pains were much closer together and harder for me to manage without intense reaction (breathing techniques, grunting, crying, etc).

My mid-wife finally arrived and came in to take a gander at how far along I was. By that point, I was 8cm and everyone kept commenting how shocked they were that I had done the majority of the laboring at home and had moved so quickly for my first baby. I didn’t know what was normal, I was just still in panic mode about whether or not I could get an epidural. My mid wife decided I had some time and they’d get it done, and relief swept across my body.

The epidural itself was painful to receive. The doctor even timed injection with my contractions to try and have the pains counteract one another. I had such a sweet nurse who allowed me to squeeze her hand and helped talked me through the pain. Quite quickly the epidural took effect and it was magical. My legs were numb which was a strange sensation; however I could no longer feel my contraction pains which was a tremendous relief. I could finally relax a little!

Pushing came in intervals for me. The first attempt came soon after the epidural kicked in. At that point, it was about 1130pm and I wanted to give it a go to see if my baby would come out on his actual due date. About 30 minutes in, my mid wife decided I wasn’t quite ready yet and could benefit from getting some additional rest. My nurse worked to get my bed in an upright position to hopefully assist with getting the baby to drop even lower in preparation for birth. I sat- rather uncomfortably- for about 45 minutes to an hour before they returned for round 2 of pushing. I was hoping to nap but my positioning didn’t really allow for that- maybe some partial dozing at best. While they were gone, I mentioned to my husband I felt like I might be peeing myself as I felt light trickling from my hooha. When the nurse returned, I told her and when she looked it appeared my water bag had sprung a leak finally and was now leaking amniotic fluid had formed a river onto the floor and covered the bed! Before we started this round of pushing, I also said I felt like I was feeling throbbing between my legs. When my mid wife looked, she initially thought the baby was coming out!! I was so relieved thinking how easy that was, only to immediately be told it was actually my water bag falling out!!

Round 2 of pushing was upon us. To give you a clear image of what was happening, I was surrounded by my nurse, mid wife and husband. The nurse and my husband each were assigned a leg to hold during my contractions to help me push since I had limited sensation in them. My contractions and the baby’s heart beat were being monitored so every time I had a contraction, I was instructed to push three times, as hard as I could. This went on for what seemed like forever before I was eventually told they could see the head coming. At this point, I started having some discomfort again. I was told by the anesthesiologist to expect a lot of “pressure” during labor and this must’ve been what he meant. The best way to describe it is to say I felt like I had to take a big poop at first. A very heavy, intense feeling of pressure in my butt started, and with continual pushing, that pressure started to spread to my vagina, where it now felt like pain again. This made pushing very difficult. I didn’t want to stop or release the sensation in fear the push progress I made would backfire, yet the pressure was extremely uncomfortable. Around this time, they actually brought in a standing mirror so I could try to watch the progress being made down there. It was pretty fascinating at first, until the pain of everything took control of my body again and made focusing on watching very difficult. Pushing was becoming exhausting and I was starting to lose stamina. I was getting to a point where I could barely push by the third try per contraction. I remember looking at my husband and saying “I don’t think I can do this” and was genuinely concerned I couldn’t. Pushing now felt like a movie- a lot of grunting (borderline yelling) to use every ounce of energy left in my body to push my little fella out. The pressure was so extreme- it literally felt as though I could feel my vagina expanding to allow this baby to join the world.

I gave it all my might and finally felt the release of pressure I had been hoping for. In what felt like an instant I felt the rest of my baby being pulled out and then was greeted with the shrill shrieking and crying of what was now my son. Instant relief and awe swept across my body as he was immediately placed into my arms for the first time.

I did it!