The stress of planning a wedding can frequently be overwhelming. It can be even more overwhelming if one of your bridesmaids is also under the pressure of figuring out the details of their own wedding!
This is the story of (temporarily) losing one of my closest friends.
It all began one day when I was at work and received a text message from my bridesmaid informing me that she needed to talk to me about something. My anxiety instantly kicked in, as that text so resembled the dreaded “we need to talk” break up message.
Background reminder: prior to selecting a wedding date, I was completely neurotic about choosing a date that did not conflict with anything else. I didn’t want to be too close to another wedding or plan my big day at a time where someone important to me wouldn’t be able to attend. As stressful as that was for me, I was reassured by this particular bridesmaid that those who love me will be there!
Flash forward to receiving this text message. What was included, was the fact that our sorority sister (who also happened to be in her wedding party) had selected the same wedding date as me. Oh fabuloussss!!
Admittedly all day I was getting more and more worked up awaiting this conversation, because quite frankly, what the fu** did that mean? She herself told me this wouldn’t impact me, so why the hell was she even bothering to tell me this?
By the end of the day, I had already made up my mind without even speaking to her. It was clear she was seeking a way out and I decided to give it to her. After venting to some of my other bridesmaids first, I finally connected with her to have our conversation.
As expected, my bridesmaid was put into an awkward position. Two of her closest friends, who both happened to be in her bridal party, planned their weddings on the same day. We ran through a few scenarios- one of which would be splitting the time half and half. That was not going to happen. I was intending on paying for hair and makeup and having a great day with my closest friends. It didn’t feel right that she would only be there half the time as a member of my party. It also didn’t seem fair that I would pay for her to get ready to not be there. That was not going to work. She could pick between the two of us, but that was absurd and not fair to her. I wouldn’t want to put her in that position. Lastly, she could skip both to avoid awkward situations, but that was ridiculous too. Nothing was sensible. It was a totally shitty situation, hence, I gave her a pass to be out of my party and attempt to attend both or whatever she preferred. I was pissed, but I was far more sad than angry.
Weeks passed and we weren’t really speaking at this point. I can take accountability for being a total shit head at the time. I had her shower invitation awaiting a RSVP, and I just didn’t know how to respond. Did she want me there? Were we cool? Did I want to be there?
I was festering these feelings which were creating resentment and rage towards her and I’m sure she was doing the same. I just wanted some expression of apology or some proof that she was actually disappointed she couldn’t be in my party. It almost seemed convenient to her from my end.
Little did I know, as the time passed, her grandfather passed away. Since we weren’t talking I missed this entirely.
Fast forward to the date the RSVP is due. She finally reached out to inquire if I was coming. I obviously was awkward AF, so we somehow decided to have a phone conversation again instead of texting.
I can remember the call well because it was horrible. I was expecting to issue a full apology and move forward. Unfortunately, my friend was not on the same page. The second the call started I could tell she was furious. It’s a rare time I’ve ever heard her communicate like that. She was mad about everything, especially the fact I didn’t reach out after her grandfather passed. I can’t blame her, but I also didn’t know what to do except apologize at that point. She continued to carry on about what a bad friend I have been and that she found her friendship with me to be TOXIC. Whoaaa.
At this point, my mouth was hanging open in shock. Total curve ball. WTF. What could I say? I didn’t want to make her miserable- that was never my intention. How horrible of a person and friend was I? I started apologizing that she felt that way and told her I didn’t want to put her in that position ever!! We had been through SO much together- was this really the ending point?
All I could really do was wish her the best and apologize for sucking. She wished me well and said she hoped I could return the bridesmaid dress I had ordered for her wedding. Devastating nightmare. I lost a bridesmaid, but more importantly, I lost one of my best friends.
HOLL 
Leave a comment